If there’s a better term for a person’s head than ‘gourd’, I have yet to hear it.

I wonder if anyone will notice that my turquoise backwards hat matches my turquoise t-shirt?

A blooper reel blooper reel is all the takes where the actors got their lines right, there were no tech snafus, and nobody giggled.

Today I am not just wearing clothes. Today I am wearing an outfit.

My breakfast this morning was a spoonful of Nutella. You know. Because of the hurricane.

Pig bacon is delicious, turkey bacon is healthy, and hedgehog bacon is cruel. It takes ten hedgehogs for just one strip! Spread the word.

Yes, I have a lot of Art Deco in my life, but I could always use more.

I was just calling to tell you that my favorite Yeah Yeah Yeah’s song is now ‘Y Control. Yes, that’s right, it was ‘Maps’ before.

I don’t mean to sound alarmist or anything, but do you think that advertising is sometimes a little less than honest?

What did the horse say to the hay? Happy Fodder’s Day! Then the horse ate the hay. On Fodder’s Day. Isn’t that messed up?

Pandora just helped me learn that I like The Thermals but do not like bands that sound like The Thermals.

All things considered, it is impossible to consider all things.

Nothing like a hot day to make you realize that over-ear headphones are basically just noisy earmuffs.

Last summer I started wearing swimsuits as underwear and underwear as swimsuits. Haven’t looked back since.

Ice cold water is ice.